Wednesday, December 28, 2011

smoke & mirrors

I am really slowing down on the daytime drinking and massively overeating festivity front. Also, have to go shopping today for a new work skirt in the teeming sales, EEEURGH.

But last night I went out for a few drinks with the boy and my uni buddy Timmy, and we ended up at the Experimental Cocktail Club in Chinatown. It was one of the bizarrest, most rabbit-hole-y bar experiences I've ever had - its on Gerrard Street, a street with all the numbers so ridiculously intertwined that no. 13 took an age to eventually track down in the 30s, a plain scruffy unmarked purplish door wedged between chinese restaurants. After being appraised by the doorman we were let in, where we entered some kind of time warped Shanghai opium den/speakeasy.

i made James take this (fairly boss-eyed and awkward) photo of me drinking my cocktail ("La Medicacion"), even though he was cringing at the massive uncoolness of getting out a camera

All the cocktails had ingredients like Himalayan purple salt and Mezcal and Pernod absinthe. Timmy got drunk off about a sip of hers, and James said his tasted "like libraries". All the staff had class moustaches, and there was an amazing jazz girl group doing covers upstairs. There were gold-leaf & silk wall hangings and mirrored ceilings and a piano built into the bar!

teapots and flamingos in the ladies

Okay, enough obsessing over decor. Basically, go there if you're ever in the area, cuz it's cool. 

Also, now I really have the urge to float around in jewel-coloured silk 1940s dresses with an elaborate updo and a cigarette holder, drinking singapore slings and stabbing people in the back. Yeah thanks film noir.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Get behind me, Santa!

Obviously that terrible pun is nothing to do with me, blame Sufjan Stevens.

Hope y'all are having an ace Yuletide, I feel like I've been in a competitive eating competition for the past 12 years (or, y'know, a few days. Either way I'm sure my jeans don't fit anymore). Had a lovely Christmas eve with my mandem, drinking a lot of mulled wine and playing board games and wearing Santa hats. Yesterday was a goosetastic, cakey, roast potato laden extravaganza of sitting about watching Up/Morecambe & Wise/Dr Who/Ab Fab and endlessly eating. And today is round 3, just about to leave for what will undoubtedly be a GIANT lunch at the boy's house. Just prepping myself with a few chocolate coins. Getting my game face on.

Anyway, enough of my burgeoning gluttony.

Christmas highlights; Zara coat, R&B brogues, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes by Anita Loos, chocolate and flavoured vodka, Celine and Julie Go Boating, Alice in the Cities, Polaroid film, cocktail playing cards, Longchamp bag, a scarf and gloves
(I was also given the Shit London book, which is HILARIOUS;


New Russell & Bromleys, jizz
Can't wait to prance about in these bad boys. Perhaps they'll force my style towards tailoring and actually ironing my shirts and looking put together, rather than the homeless man/rich granny hybrid vibe I usually go with? Maybe not?

I've just realised what a sneakily Jesus-y song this is


Thursday, December 22, 2011

quick question

Is there a human being alive with more swag than Swinton?

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

you scumbag, you maggot

my oddball family's oddball attempt at festive cheer

Okay, I'm usually NOT a Christmas lover whatsoever. BUT I AM SO OVEREXCITED RIGHT NOW! Having my first couple of hours alone since coming home, and am spending it getting totes jacked up on Christmas songs for weirdos before going to see my amazing friends Jon and Lo play an open-mic later (their cover of This Old Heart Of Mine is ACE) and drinking lots of hot cider.

Also this is my new fave xmas song evarrrr.

"Jonny's in the kitchen cooking mistletoe, He says he's making a mistletoe pie, And I'm making a fuss, cause mistletoe's poisonous, What the hell, I don't care, they can die!"


Sunday, December 18, 2011

i lied about being the outdoor type

I am so excited to be going home to London tomorrow! Still have all of my packing to do, plus some fairly severe logistical issues regarding how I'm going to manage to transport a rather substantially-sized piece of taxidermy on a packed train of drunks/Scots, but I'm sure that'll all just work itself out in the morning. Super excited for Chesterfield armchair pub hot toddies and mulled wine, yessssss.

Although when I think about that too much I feel a bit queasy because I'm a loser and literally always hungover. Here are some lovely clean lovely naturey Ryan McGinley pictures, because they'll maybe clean my soul, or yours if you suck as hard as I and stay up with your flatmate drinking gin/stolen red wine/sambucca/beer/whisky cocktails until 7am for no reason whatsoever.

Deffo the classiest way to perve on nude youngsters. Just sayin'.

Monday, December 12, 2011

nothing like demolishing a tupperware of leftover turkey in bed at 4am

So last night I had the first of many Christmas dinners which will be occuring in the next 2 weeks, yusss. Am still mildly hungover, shoving hula hoops and jaffa cakes into my mouth as fast as humanly possible and watching endless amount of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia even though I should in fact be writing about the patriarchy and shit for a Taming of the Shrew essay, which is due this week. Eeeurghhh.

Also, last night I made the tiniest fortune-teller ever out of a rizla, because I'm a genius. BEHOLD;

being held hilariously in my buddy Greg's man hands
Mad skills.

Friday, December 9, 2011

junk shop cowboy

So I am probably the least studious student ever (5 day weekend yo??). But I had a comparatively useful day today; set up an ISA and finished my Christmas shopping - which makes me feel really mature because it's like, 80% expensive food? Though spending actual money on stuff like panettone still feels alien to someone who lives almost exclusively on toast soup and wine, not gonna lie.

But yeah, so I went a-wandering all day. I cannot divulge what other yuletide goods I procured, as my vast internet fanbase and the people I buy Christmas presents for are essentially one and the same. BUT I did happen to find THE best shop in Aberdeen;

It's called McKay's, and that photo does not do justice to its size, weirdness or potential stock avalanche dangers, but it's the only one I managed to take. But yeah, it's this gigantic "camping/military shop", though I think that simply "camping and military" is not good enough to describe its full magnificent kaleidoscopic cornucopia of items. Having been in a fair few military surplus stores, I can say most of them do not sell 1800s-style African safari hats, Soviet Union trapper hats, gigantic Hawaiian shirts, Robin Hood-esque luminous purple lace up grandad jumpers, inexplicably cheap Doc Martens, and wellies that reach below the ankle (...WHAT is the point?). The few visible bits of wall are covered in battered 1970s-looking mens leisurewear adverts. After fascinatedly skulking around for hours, I finally caved and bought what the owner described as a "teabag t-shirt, for fashion not warmth" (how could I resist that);

would have modelled it, but unfortunately it still smells a tad like damp tent
 It's basically a string vest, but a t-shirt version, and more the texture of a teabag? Saucyyyy. Also bought new flats (which are no fun whatsoever compared to mr. teabag);

not like any hot beverage. BUT 20 quid down from 50, hollerrrr

Of course if I wear either of these hole-ridden items I'll end up with hypothermia, but still.

love, all alike, no season knowes, nor clyme/ nor houres, dayes, moneths, which are the rags of time

frolicking like a lame-o in Romney, just down the road from Dungeness
In the summer me and the boy went on a day roadtrip to Dungeness. It is insanely awesome, this little weird desolate hillbilly-ish place on the coast of Kent, comprising of a nuclear power station, fish and chip shops, a miniature railway, and tumbleweed. I want to go and live there when I eventually give up on other humans entirely. It's really windy, and people fish off the stony beach, and there are old people everywhere. Such an ace place. Here are some photos I took in somewhat of a daze while I was there;

Derek Jarman's house

fave/most ominous house name ever

why naturally a bushel of jelly shoes!

this amount of open space gives me a panic attack

Man, weird coastal towns are amazing.

unknown, US Vogue Sept 11, Australian Vogue Aug 09, Chinese Vogue May 08 

Thursday, December 8, 2011

i've got the body of a man who reads poetry

All the wind and rain and darkness is making me want to listen exclusively to gloomy swoony synthy tunes at the moment, along with my current fragile state (though I did realise last night that I can rap Super Bass in its entirety, and I'm not sure when that happened?). But Mode Moderne are SO ACE for that. Real Goths is my current favourite but I'm a pleb and can't figure out how to link it. It is genuinely embarrassing how poor I am at technology.

Also, I need someone to buy me several luxury gothware items. Yeah thanks;

Acne velocite oversized shearling aviator jacket, £1,620

Alexander Wang angora blend and chiffon top, £1,660

Isabel Marant Cuba leopard print leather ankle boots, £430

Alexander Wang leather racer-back dress, £825

Junya Watanabe mohair blend cape, £1,255

Helmut Lang feather-embellished draped crepe top, £580

All from the utter pornography that is Though I'm also loving Panda Eyes right now ( ) who have some ace gothy shit for cheapz;

5-crystal necklace, $22

black sunglasses, $12

lace crop top, $20
So yeah, get on that. I've definitely been reading farrrrr too much of recently. BUT IT'S SO GOOD. All I want is lace and brothel-creepers. Til I die. Then I can be in a gang with these crazy kids!

...Yes mate.